Saturday, June 14, 2008

Why Am I SOOOO Sleepy?

Why AM I so sleepy?
Is it the total lack of sleep because I fret when I lie down for some rest?
Perhaps. Too much going on and worrying about Iowa and about the childcare issue. Oh well.
This too shall pas.

The kid and I went to his cousin's graduation today. As graduations go, it was pretty good. As sitting on a piece of wood goes, it hurt my butt.
As having an outfit that fits goes...I didn't. Oh well. such is life.

ANYWHO...the OTHER reason I'm so sleepy is going out to the bar in Plummer, Idaho. Bobbi's Bar. And listening to "The Cary Fly Band" (not a single youtube video for these folks...their renown knows mostly bounds). They were fine. Most of the band members showed up. A sort of generalized 70s-80s cover band. I don't remember the exact songs they played. I remember they were late and LOUD. Not unlike the crowd at Bobbi's.

If you've ever seen the movie Sordid Lives (and you should...really), you have seen this bar. It is exquisite in its dumpness. Total crap, small town "just get me, drunk, laid or punched" sort of place. They shoved one of the pool table to the side so the band had a corner to set up. The band used the wood stove to set their beers on (in the winter they must have to hold their beers because the bar's only heat is that wood stove). Juanita (you can see her at about timepoint 2:15 in the clip linked to the "sordid lives" above) was there. Actually 2 Juanita's were there. One was behind the bar serving booze and smoking. I'm surprised she could lift her hand there were so many rings on her fingers and she had GIANT FAKE nails in some color that matched her leathery hide, but had sparkles in it.

Holly (the friend) and I went at about 8:30pm because the band was starting at 9pm. It was us, Juanita-1, and 2 people at the bar. Another guy came in, then a group of people who appeared to be a family (the family who drinks together...well, they usually get in a giant fight and break up in the parking lot). The family ordered 2 "buckets of beer", one was "lite" for the ladies, and shoved tables into an arrangement to accomodate themselves near the dartboard. They played darts, ordered more buckets of beer, and laughed and hugged and screamed and seemed to be having a fine time.

Then 3 people came in. Among them, Juanita-2. The 3 people were 1 heavy-set woman, a heavy-set guy, and Juanita-1...underweight and overwrought. They took a table right in front of the stage/corner/stove. Adult beverages were ordered. Holly and I were up at the bar so could not see the people well. Holly watched the soundless TV with the blaring jukebox, later band, as the sound track for some show called Can You Duet (the link is to a "duet" I saw on the show and am now glad I did NOT hear), which may be the stupidest thing on TV if it's as bad with the sound on as it is with the sound off.

I was turned around in my chair (not a proper stool that spun, but a tall barstool like you get at cheap home improvement stores with a back on it and non-spinning) to watch the action. Juanita 2 was the star, though the dart family made for good commercial breaks. Juanita-2 fancies herself QUITE the little dancer. She is little, I'll give her that. She was trying to dirty dance around the small bits of open floor space but she had no rhythm or talent or moves or anything. When the band was tuning up, she started bootie dancing the bassist. She would back up to him (interfering with his ability to bass) and rub up and down and do what she apparently meant to be "sexy" moves). She'd do this for a while than go sit down again and drink more. She continued when they started playing songs and I don't think the bassist appreciated it, but it's not like there's security in Bobbi's. If you need someone beat up, you better call your family or bust a bottle yourself.

When dryhumping him did not get the bassist to pay her attention she would try screaming from her seat. When that didn't work, she grabbed her left foot with her hand, while seated, and stuck it straight up in the air then waved it around. Put it down. And repeat (lather, rinse repeat).
It was striking and about as subtle and going up to him and screaming "stick it in!" in his face.

None of this looked to be leading to getting Juanita-2 laid. So, she moved into high gear by getting lower class.

She got a chair, one of those classic cheap bar chairs (Pam, these are the mates to the chairs at Silver Springs restaurant in Wisconsin). Shiny vinyl seat and back rest. The back has a sort of squared off loop of metal around it with the upholstered part stopping short of the top of the loop leaving a grab-handle affair. They stack well. So, not a sexy chair is the point. Juanita-2 grabs one of these and pulls it in a small clear spot and tries to do an "air lapdance" to the chair. She's grinding around it as if she's a stripper and there is some invisible big tipper sitting in the chair. This is sad. Then she falls flat on her face, completely sprawled out with legs tangled in the chair legs somehow. This is sad and funny but I don't want to get beat up because something tells me Juanita-2 is a scrapper (it might be her broken teeth), so I don't laugh. She picks herself up off the floor with some sort of moves as if it were part of the air-lap-dance event and gradually gyrates (remember, no rhythm, our girl is not a dancer of talent, but one driven by need...the need for...uh...) back to her table and sits back down and keep drinking as if nothing happened.

And the band played on.

A few more people filtered in and as usually, the only person who showed interest in me, was a young woman with a mullet. She stared at me quite a bit. She's cute enough in her tapered ankle black jeans and black t-shirt with either a harley or beer logo (I couldn't get a good look without risking getting a date), but even if I were desperate to switch teams, something is telling me I can't handle the Bobbi's Bar lesbian.

It's after 10pm now and Holly asks Juanita-1 when it gets crowded. This is a bar known for its brawls and so far all we have is a drunk chick face down on a dirty floor. That could be any sorority party anywhere (or a Wagner wedding). Juanita-2 says at 11 or midnight. We take off at about 10:30 and walk the long block back to my trailer. There are several cars full of people parking in the street (which is also the parking lot) and getting pre-drunk on their cheap hooch (cheaper hooch) before going in. At some point in the evening I saw a guy bring in his own beer (a tall boy) in his own beer coozie.

I only ordered a pepsi. Juanita-1 gave me a disapproving hiss while she poured it. Holly assumed the pepsi would be free in that "designated driver" kind of way. I doubted it as Bobbi's appeared to be more of a "you make your choice about driving and just pay me for what you drink" kind of place. I don't think Juanita-1 thought my $2.50 pepsi with grey ice was worth my use of her cheap stool.

I so so so wanted to go in the bathroom just to see it but I was too afraid. If I ever go back, I'll check it out for you and report back.

In more important news...the flooding in Iowa continues and the pictures are horrifying. I have no further info on childcare.

P.S. I hope someone can listen to the radio show tomorrow.


Fly Right said...

I hope that Jon's bands never play at Bobbi's Bar. He's a bass player.

Jill said...

I want Jon's band to play...and you to come along because that would be a brawl worth attending! Tiny black-haired broken-toothed lady vs the buxom blond from Ill! I've heard you were a bit of a scrapper in your youth. Is that true?