MAGIC GROCERY SAVINGS HACKS!!!

 Ok, not really but good lord the headlines.  Like there is a "hack" that will fix crap.

This is in response to multiple news outlets having well paid consultants talk with well paid reporters about how to "hack" a grocery bill if you are an actual poor person.  Those well paid people don't have any special knowledge and are working from some sort of fantasy of how the people I know actually shop.

Here's a hack, if it's too expensive, don't buy it! 

Try prioritizing and keep reviewing want vs need per like all the previous blogs.

Priorities: 

Air (still free but I'm sure someone is trying to find a way to privatize and monetize it).  

Water.  drink tap water.  UNLESS you know that your tap water is specifically toxic in the short term (is there a city boil order?) just drink it.  It's cheaper than every other option.  You do not "need" any other beverage and certainly do not pay for bottled water if you are at all trying to cut costs.  You also do not need a fancy vessel to get the water to your lips.  Whatever you already own is the very best choice.  

Food.  Yes, most of us need to eat.  And we need to cook some of it because raw diets don't go well in the long run.  Look at your cooking and storage options and work with them.  Buy what is cheap, use the food banks, little free pantries and other free resources if you are in a giant bind.   It's OK.  Buy the most nutrition for the dollar, given your storage and cooking options.  I get lots of eggs and canned fish because they work for me.  I can cook, but it's hard to store left overs.  These things come in roughly single serving options.  Popcorn is great and lasts.  UNPOPPED (remember when that was assumed?) and just from the bulk bin or the big bag of cheap kernels.  Then, I pop it myself in whatever oil/grease I have.  Or in the office airpopper.  For fruit and veg, start with the discount bin/area if the store has one.  After that, look for the lowest cost per pound.  Grapes...I can't even! You can almost always get onions, cabbage, potatoes and big-bag-o-apples for under 1$/pound.  Those last at room temp for ages.  Same with carrots which are also generally cheap.  For oil/fat to cook with or get enough calories, Go with the size you can store before it goes off.  I don't buy it by the gallon because ick.  And right now it's cheaper for me (given my storage and cooking options) to buy pig fat from a butcher shop I know at 2$/lb, cook it down to lard and store that at room temp.  I also usually get a bottle of olive oil because I have enough money and it keeps well and I can use it to fry, put it on salad, or bake with it.  I don't care for corn oil or other cheaper oils on salad and I don't have room for a wide selection of oils sitting around.  It's good to eat greens.  Get cheap ones or fry up dandelion greens or buy some sprouting seeds.  Cabbage counts too.  DO NOT buy prepared meals unless you truly have no way to cook.  Dry beans store for ever, and you can sprout them.  But, they take cooking.  So, if you can't cook, try a can of black beans, package of tortillas, and dice up an onion with cabbage and throw on vinegar or lemon juice and some hot pepper (sriracha, cayenne powder, dried peppers, a fresh one, whatever) and voila...tacos.  If you eat cheese and can afford it, you can add some.  Cheap, easy, fresh.    

Shelter.  We need that.  Cut the cost.  I friend of mine just moved from a shared house costing over 1000$/month per resident to a room in a more shared house for 500$/month.  This also cut the utilities.  Be creative if you can, but we can't all move that quickly with those big expenses.  So, when you are going to change housing, go for half or less of what the bank/online-calculator says you can afford.  That way if you lose some income, you have a bit of time because you were saving that other 50%...right?  Hope so.

Focus on total spend, not imaginary "savings".  If you buy steak at 50% off to "save" 15$, you still spent 15$ for a couple of meals of protein.  You could have bought 15 cans of beans, 3 lbs of ground beef, 15lbs of dry beans, etc.  So you "saved" nothing.  You spend 15$ poorly.

Good luck and stop with the hacks.  Spend less. 

Another ODD product

 

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

How is this a thing???? GROSS.

Here's the "ingredients"

There appears to be so little actual "cheese" in there that my nondairy self could eat a full can cold with a spoon and be fine...but VOMIT!

Who asked for this?  

Why is there sugar in it?

What is "cheese paste"?  I see the ingredients but why is it a paste?

What is the potassium salt doing for me?  Not keeping the sodium down which is 480/serving (1200 for me if I just eat the whole can...I give it a 9 cankle rating out of 10...salami is worse)

Is it for people who want a grilled cheese sandwich without the hassle of chewing...at all.  A grilled cheese is gummable. 

This will haunt my nightmares.

What???? Odd Product Rant

 Ok...sometimes products make me stare that them because I. DO. NOT. GET. IT!

They solve problems that don't exist.

Yesterday at the grocery store...scanning the aisles of this particular one for super cheap deals (they do that sometimes).

Once it was mirepoix at a Trader Joe's....WHY?????   Just chop an onion, carrot and some celery. The cost per lb for the prechopped was BONKERS.  

Yesterday....BAGS (like plastic single use heavy bags) for something over 6$ each.  

Bags of....  INSTANT CHIA PUDDING!   Um...what??  A 1pound bag of chia seeds costs me under 5$ and these above bags are about 2 oz of seeds and some flavorings and some odd food processed extracts and products.   There is the incredible "convenience" of putting water in the plastic bag which is designed to stand up.   And then still need to find a spoon or maybe mostly close the bag and squeeze the chia/processedstuff-sludge into my mouth.  EW!  

So...expensive, pointless and saves like NO TIME OR EFFORT.  If you need "instant" chia pudding, put chia seeds and flavors and stuff in a series of little jars (or one big jar with a scoopy thingy).  Then, when you want it, add water or whatever.   
CHIA is already INSTANT.

So, after way too long, like maybe a minute, I managed to wander off and get a good deal on some non-UPF chocolate treat that is a pain in the butt to make.  

STOP OFFERING TO MICROWAVE MY F#*CKING PASTRIES!!!

 Do you people NOT know how pastry works?  The fat, starch and water have to stay in balance.  Also the sugar.   If you "heat it up" for me YOU RUIN IT!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Am I the only one who hates that?  If I wanted a cardboard togo box full of grease dripping out the bottom of an overly frosted, now molten lava frosted, icky chewy ruined cinnamon roll I would have ordered that.  Today it was a carrot cake muffin.  Who the hell heats up a muffin?  NO.  LEAVE IT!

It still wasn't worth the price.  Oh well.  Some day I will learn my lesson.

As long as I'm ranting, also, stop putting spray foam on my goddamn pie.  I ordered it COLD AND NAKED (like my men....heh heh).   Just a slice of pie on a plate.  Thanks for not adding that freezer burnt off brand icemilk you call "a la mode" style, but also can-o-spray-creme is unwelcome.   

Ok...done.

That's It...No More Food Delivery For Me

 

So apparently food delivery undermines restaurants, food trucks, etc.

Warning...Potty talks in the vid.

https://youtu.be/aFsfJYWpqII?si=cxiT0_nxIFPegsbb

DAMMIT!!

Ugh.  If I'm going to support good real food I need to let food delivery go.  I never use it myself because a) I am cheap, B) I live 11 miles from any sort of food cookery-servery 3) I don't use a smart phone or have wifi at home.  I partake if others use an app.   Now I have to think about that.  

DAMMIT!  I want the restaurants to get the money and the farmers and so on.  I don't want big-app losing money until they undermine the food industry.  Ugh.

Natural Fiber, Quality, Durable Clothing is Important. Getting That 2nd Hand Is Even Better

 All that cheap crap synthetic fiber clothing you buy, then return or wear a few times and "donate" or throw out (most of the donated can't be used because it is crap and no one wants it so it is thrown out).

Here is a summary of the post-purchase, even if "returned" and you got your money back, damage it does:

https://youtu.be/tAw_LCfHJtM?si=C4l6zWGve7Z79oCx

SO DON'T.

Here's my latest thrift, at least 2nd hand maybe 3rd or 4th hand purchase:

Pure wool (yeah..I totally took that phot in a bathroom...), in great shape.  Warm as hell. 6$.  It is from the 1970s to 1980s.  Looks like the zipper has been replaced.  The zipper is heavy duty metal so it will last longer than I will.

How many coats/sweaters have I thrown out?   Zero in the last 20 years.  Donated?  Maybe 2 and those were "redonated" since I had gotten them 2nd hand as gifts or thrifts.  And they were in good shape.  I mend things as I can.

The natural fiber in this jacket will not become microplastics killing fish and birds and staying in the environment for eons.   The bits that come off when I wash this will get picked up by birds or critters for nests (since I hand wash outside with these wool type garments)  (also they rarely need to be washed).

I do have a pure wool sweater that wore out (holes in the elbows, so thin you could read through it, the seams gave way.  I had had it 15 years and it was used when I bought it).  I cut it into rags and am still using a couple of those.   

The jeans that recently disintegrated off my person at the end of a work day (eventually cotton...I buy 100% cotton jeans at thrift) have been stripped of usable parts like zipper, waist band etc.   And now the bits of it are used as firestarters.  It was too thin and weak to use as rags though I do use it to stop up spills now and then.  Once it dries out, it is a fire starter again.  

My used clothes do NOT end up on the beach in a different country.  

If you actually used it up, wear it out, or make it do, or do with out, then you don't trash the damn planet. 

SO stop with the fast fashion.  It might be "fast" in that it spends little time in your possession but the damage it does to the world, your budget, the people who make it, ship it, and sell it (all underpaid and exploited and often poisoned by the substances used in production and transportation and even off-gassing in the stores) is NOT WORTH IT.  Also, it looks cheap and ugly.

So buy decent clothes you will actually wear, wash, mend and enjoy.  They are better, they feel better, they look better and they don't destroy the planet or  your soul.

End of rant.

COOKING "WITHOUT POWER"....??

 That's been a trending topic in the frugal and prepper youtubes and blogs.

Uh...you can't cook without power.   They mean without electricity.  Since any time I cook at home is is WITHOUT ELECTRICITY I do  not find this challenging.

Without "power" though...that's not a thing.  It takes power to make heat and heat to cook.  Ipso factoid: You need some type of power to cook.

Here are some of the not electric cooking methods I use all the freaking time and it is NOT a problem:

Wood...burn it.  Put the food to be cooked close to the flame.  Voila...cooked.

Butane...use a butane stove.  Put the food to be cooked close to the flame.  Voila...cooked.

Candles...use candles.  Put the food to be cooked close to the flame.  Voila...cooked.  Use only small amounts of food for this one and thin pans because candles do not put out a huge amount of heat. 

Solar...use the sun via a solar cooker (I have 3 types).  Put the food to be cooked in the solar cooker.  Voila...cooked.

Propane...use a propane stove or little heater burner.  Put the food to be cooked close to the flame.  Voila...cooked.

Words on my S--- List

 Seriously people...stop over affixing your words!!!!

"Dangerousness"...formerly known as "DANGER"

"Resiliency" ...formerly known as "RESILIENCE"

These are the new "irregardless."  

Just stop with the extraneous affixes.

What If.... Preppers/Savers on the Youtubes Sometimes Lack Creativity and Experience

 OK, rando rant a bit because I'm kind of a dick.

On the youtubes, the thrifty people I follow are doing this "What if" type thing. Fine.  

Things like "What if you only had a half a bag of rice, 3oz lentils, and moldy cheese, and you don't get paid for a week and the money is gone...how would you stretch the food and what would you make?"

Mornings with Granny is best at this because I suspect she's been poor for reals.

I was poor once upon a time and now I'm too lazy/cheap/frugal to run in to town when I am lacking an ingredient.

ANYWAY...recently, the ones I watch are "prepping" or stocking up for power outages.  Turns out rice is a bad idea without power.  Um...like the electric stove or any of the 2 dozen counter top plug in appliances are the only ways to cook???

JEEZ people!  One vlogger was talking, this morning, about a power out where they had no way to heat water or cook food. She has other videos where they grill food outside.  Does the propane tank and/or charcoal not work when the electricity is out???

Also, candles under an upturned can with holes cut in the can-sides makes a tiny stove.   So does a can of crisco with a wick (which can be a bit of dry wood, twisted fabric, wooden skewers, taper candle jammed in a hole, or almost any cooking oil/fat you have around).  PEOPLE!!! Electricity is not the only power.  

What about a solar cooker?  Or the dashboard of your car in mid day?  Heat water with those mid day and then put it in a thermos, or even just wrap up the container of hot water with whatever.  That reflective dealy in the windshield works well.  ALSO coolers keep things warm.  They are don't just keep things cool.   Then you can heat that warmish water for washing or whatever.

Also...rice, pasta, grains can be soaked for a while, brought to the boil, poured into a thermos or the pan wrapped up and they will cook much faster with very little heat, e.g. over a candle or crisco heater.

Grills hold pots as well as naked slabs of meat. You can even bake bread, cake, whatever on there.

ALL YOU NEED TO COOK IS A HEAT SOURCE.  

Other tips for power-outage cookery:

Think about the size and power of your heat source.  Boiling a cup of water over a candle will take a while.   Boiling a cup of water on the grill is wasting heat...boil up the big pan of water (tea kettle, anyone?) and store the excess because maybe it will still be warm later.   Overnight oats/soaked-rice for 4 is too much to bring to a boil over a candle.  Not too much on a grill or in a solar cooker.  

Frying is faster.  Small bits cook faster.  You can fry on a grill.  Put the frying pan (cast iron is the best option) on the grill.  Add fat and whatever.  Cook.  Don't wander off.

Grill outside.  Want to bring some of that heat inside?  Heat up clay plant pots and bring them inside in metal buckets, set them on things that won't burn like bricks or the hearth.  You want get super warm, but you'll be busy and a bit warmer and NOT die of carbon monoxide. 

Butane burners are great, I use them all the time.  But the butane runs out pretty fast if you start with cold water and want to boil it up.  Hence lots of preheating on the woodstove and storing the water hot in thermoses (thermosi?  thermopodi?)...insulated containers!

Things to do now:

Make a "hay box" for your favorite pasta/rice pan.  NOT the insta pot.  Don't be an idiot.  The pan that you can put on the grill, stove, woodstove, etc.  Best if it has small handles but just use what you have.  Find a box, card board, wood, or a metal milk crate, that fits the pan with several inches to spare on all sides.   Line your box with wool blankets or old sweaters if you have it, or hay (hence the name), straw, cardboard, or even metallic bubble wrap. Make sure there is an inch of cardboard or wood or no-flammable at cooking temps fabric between any plasticky crap or fabric and the pan. Make the lining fit tight around the pan.   When the time comes, heat the pan up, like on that grill, and when the food is boiling hard, put the pan in the box (which of course you insulted on the bottom and sides and top) and close it up.  If you can heat up a rock or plant pot ahead of time and put that in the box while you finish boiling up the food, that will preheat the box and make it work better.

Don't have a box?  Make a bean hole in the ground and preheat it like in the olden days.  I will let you google that.

You can boil things mid-day in the solar cooker and transfer to the hay box or bean hole or thermos.

When using a thermos, preheating is best.

These all work like slow cookers.   Pasta will get mushy fast, whole rye berries hold up super well as do wheat berries, oat groats, and barley.   Quinoa is an excellent option as well.

If I am putting meat in, I prefer it to be fully cooked first, either fried up (sliced thin it fries faster/less fuel) or precanned by me or an industrial canning service.

If using a thermos for soup or flavored grains/pasta, you'll want to not use that for coffee or tea water later.  No matter what they say, the flavors linger. I have tested glass, plastic, and stainless steel lined thermoses and all retain that stank.  It's fine in the next cooked item, but not great in my coffee.  

To make the thermos cooking work: invest in a good bottle brush and good funnels.  I use a big canning funnel for the wide mouth thermoses and a skinny funnel for the insulated bottle type thermoses.  

The water you use to preheat a thermos is fine to use in the next batch of soup, to drink, to give to pets who usually enjoy the vague food stank, or to soak tomorrow's grains.  

These practices always save fuel/money/pollution/resources to why not be practicing now??

Rant complete...for now.

I Didn't ________ for _____ Days and This Happened!

 I think I will do a click-bait series where I mock the click bait, and then participate in it.  

HYPOCRISY!!!

(get it?)

So...I didn't cut my hair for 33 years and NOTHING happened.  Not even a trim.  NO ONE CARES.  My hair looks no better or worse than when I paid people to piss me off by cutting my hair.

I didn't use shampoo for...over 12.5 years and other than my hair being more water proof and well waxed if I don't get around to washing it with baking soda or salt.... NOTHING happened.  NO ONE CARES.

I didn't buy soap for a year and NOTHING happened.  Well, something happened.   People are giving me soap for holidays and birthdays because I'm old.  It's nice.   I have bought soap, but only for gifts.  It's an old lady soap giving circuit.  Soap is the new fruit cake.  I do use soap.

I haven't used dryer sheets or other laundry softener for...I have no idea...2 decades?  More?  And, nothing happened.  If I hang my clothes to dry and there is no breeze they are stiff for a minute when I put them on, then they are just like clothes with softener.   My towels DO work better for drying so I guess that happened.  I have friends who use dryer balls.  I find that they make my clothes lintier but not softer.  If they are wool balls then also statickier.

I didn't shave my legs for 3 decades and ...well, something happened.  I discovered I basically don't have leg hair.  Wasted all that time and soap and blood shaving.

So many things I don't or haven't done and it's just not that ground breaking.  But it is a common clickbait type title.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

 Yeah. Late to the party.  Whatever.  Leave it.

So, many people around me in real life and on the news that I haven't managed to entirely avoid (more on news-avoidance in a future blog...or not), apparently had to figure out how to BUY stuff and GET NEW stuff for Thanksgiving dinner.  I see the same happening at Xmas.

First, I don't celebrate thanksgiving.  It marks not only the harvest, but the slaughter of indigenous people by colonizers who often justified the slaughter by labeling the indigenous people "heathens" though the colonizers were seeking "religious freedom."  It's too fraught so I just like to stay home and do whatever.  Sadly, what I really like to do with a day home and 3 more days home ...is cook great stuff to eat and then eat it and keep eating it for 3 days.  Hypocrite much?  Perhaps.

Back to the point.

IF you see thanksgiving as a harvest festival, celebrating the bounty of the earth etc etc.  Then what about eating what you have? The meal at the early thanksgivings (or the things we now label as such) was based on what the celebrants had and supposedly sharing that with the neighbors while they shared back (again, not what happened but what is supposedly celebrated).

All the buying and seeking and having specific foods.  If you look at the spirit of a harvest feast, which is pretty much pan-cultural at harvest times, then eating what is in the larder/fridge/rootcellar/pantry/cupboard/center-thingy-in-the-car would be the thing to do.  Appreciating (which is related to the "thanksgiving" part of the name of the day) what you have would seem to be the justification of the US version of the holiday and appreciating what is harvested and shared would seem to be the point of most harvest feasts.

In that vein, perhaps at Xmas we could appreciate what we have.  Shop in the pantry/cupboard/larder/freezer/glove-box before rushing out to buy whatever specific meat/veg/fruit/sweet things you ALWAYS have.  Just because something is the way you've always done it doesn't mean it's the only or the best way.  Change it up.  There is no crime in hamburgers for thanksgiving or lentils for xmas. Or perhaps...PERHAPS...not having crap pumpkin pie and even crapper pumpkin pie spice things.   The rest of you should change, but I stand by the necessity of avoiding both of those. Barf.  Also any beverage that begins or ends with "nog."  

On Thursday Nov 26, 2020 I made soup with what I had.  I had great things.   Deer meat, chicken meat and duck meat in jars.  Squash from the community garden.  Jams from friends and the farmers market (which I forgot to eat).  I didn't go buy anything just for that day.  I won't buy anything for solstice or xmas day either.  I WILL save a few treats (though not the chocolate I just ate) if I remember.  If not, I will, as I do most days now, look at what I have and go from there.   

Sometimes the "whatchagot" meals are fantastic.  E.g. brown rice duck casserole.  That was great!  Not always.  Deer meat with cheap canned veg was not fantastic but was plenty good enough.  Squash roasted inside the firebox of the woodstove is exquisite and I'm not sure I care to cook it any other way.  But the last remaining pumpkin from the community garden might be bigger than the door to my woodstove.  If so, I will cook it some other way.  These pumpkins appear to be crossed with spaghetti squash and cook up nicely. The left overs make interesting additions to soup.  Is it a noodle?  A vegetable?

Oh For Pete's Sake!

 

Really people?  You break my window out?  Honestly?

Really?

I guess, yes, really.  Same day the windshield on the subaru cracked all the way across.  I knew it had a little ding, but couldn't find it.  It was way at the bottom.  The crack is below eyeline so I should be able to drive with it until the rig croaks. 

The truck though, have to replace that.  The deputy showed up in a timely fashion and gave me a case number but said that honestly, unless someone comes in and says "hey, I broke out a window on a truck with plate number..." they won't get the person.

I don't carry comprehensive on a 21 year old vehicle but I do keep a bit of $$ to the side for BS.  I guess it's time to dip into the BS fund.  200$ or so to get it replaced.  Cheaper if  I took time to find a window at a salvage yard but I don't have the time to go do that so just paying up. I don't want to be without the second rig in the winter and it's an hour to the closest salvage yard, 15$ worth of gas to get there and back.  Time to just fix it.  Hence the BS fund.  I am waiting on the motor for the driver's window until I find it cheap because I can do that myself and it's not needed until spring when I get too hot.

Sigh.

40 Days and 40 Nights...CRIPES

So, the builderman and crew did not show up onsite for 40 days (and actually 41 nights but that doesn't fit the biblical reference).  Fortunately, it wasn't raining during that time.  I had more of a dry sea sort of thing than an ark sort of thing at my place.  Big empty ass hole.

At last they DID show back up.  I wasn't just waiting around, I was visiting, calling, texting and driving by the other job sites to ask when they would be back.  We'll leave it there.

The past few days there has been progress.   This is where we are at now:

The white things sticking out of the ground are forms for porch piers.  There will be a few more over on the side toward the road.  The trench is for the drain rock for the "rubble trench foundation".  It will hold up the super heavy wall.  The white rock behind the tiny excavator (the builderman is quite large so the excavator looks even tinier than it is...his crew today was little guys who are closer than they appear....also the dumptruck just beyond the excavator is actually a little bitty thing like a largish golf cart on tracks rather than wheels...it's like a construction zone in the hobbit movies...perspective is all over the map).  ANYWAY...the white rock is part of a rock wall to the north of the future house holding up what used to be a chunk of hill and is now a steep cut.

New Favorite Old Show

So, I don't have a TV and hence am behind the times on shows.

I've probably blogged about my hoarder show issue.  Well, I found a healthier way to satisfy my yen for thinking others are more messed up than me.

"Til Debt Do Us Part" which I am watching on youtube with a mobile wifi hotspot I checked out from the library for free.

This is a Canadian reality show.  The Canadians are generally more realistic in their reality shows than the 'Mericans are.  This one features a financial advisor who goes to a family with financial woes and works with them for 1 month.  If they behave well, have a good attitude, and demonstrate major life/money changes, they get $5000.00 (Canadian presumably).  Not the huge pay off that 'Mericans would expect.  Like much of Canada, it's toned down and more modest.

Each week there are the predictable plot points which I love in reality TV.  The genre reminds me of the old Batman series in reruns during my childhood.  If it was 5 minutes in to the show, you KNEW the villain would show up, half way and the dynamic duo is trapped in a ridiculously easy to escape predicament, and then it all resolves nicely.

In this show, the premise is that money is a mystery to most people.  Corollary premises (premia?) are that talking about money is taboo, people are unaware of what they spend, that people estimate income based on gross (ignore taxes and other deductions), and outgo based on net (ignore interest paid on credit cards and loans and the expense of ownership for things like vehicles and pets and kids and homes).  The advisor states that the primary reason for divorce or break up is money.  So, facing money issues and being open and solving them together sorts out the relationship as well as the debt problem.

The couples in each show discuss what they THINK is going on.  Some are realistic, most are NOT.  Most also blame each other for the issue.  The advisor goes through months of expenses and tells them what is actually happening.  She includes how much more they spend each month than they bring home.  She shows them where they will be in 5 years if they don't change.   It's a good point.  Not so distant in time that people think they can sort it out late, but not so overwhelming that they give up before they start.

Then, Gail, advisor,she cuts up cards (credit and debit).  She shows them a budget that will work for them each month.  Then she puts money in jars, cash money, for area of expense and they have to make it through the month on that.   That's week 1/day 1.

Each week for the month they have an assignment.  The first week is usually dealing with debt.  Some call credit card companies to get lower interest, some have to get a consolidation loan put on their mortgage to get rid of the credit card debt.

The next week they generally have to show how they can cut expenses more and/or bring home more money.

During relationship assignment week they have to usually talk to each other about money. Sometimes they get to do research like how much it would cost for a stay at home parent to go back to work vs what that work will bring in NET (not gross).  Often, with 2 or more kids, they can save more with a stay at home parent cooking and maybe taking in a kid to babysit, they come out ahead of a full time job.  Sometimes, turns out the spouse has to go to work.

In the end Advisor Gail gives them $5000 or less.  If they are turds or think they could do better than her and hence don't do their tasks, they get less.  One couple that I've seen so far, got bupkis.  Nada. Zero.  Zip.  Zilch.  They did nothing and were snotty little twerps.  It's like the one time Batman and Robin didn't defeat the villain and you knew that one was still out there...haunting.

I am surprised EVERY EPISODE (like 40 so far) that people are SOOO unrealistic about their $$.  Of course, I'm single and thrifty as crap.   There are things in my life that I don't want to face (we won't be blogging about those so bite me), but money isn't one of them.

Most couples, or at least one of the pair, just can't be honest with themselves about their money and where it goes or how much there is.  Geez!  It's like the hoarders who can't see the hoard or the folks on "My 600lb Life" (another of my favorite shows to binge watch), who can't see that they are eating enough to support 600lbs...must be glandular?  The money must be evaporating?  The hoard is "good stuff" that is useful in the immediate future...etc.

I think it's rewarding for me to watch because I have work3ed on most of the issue presented already in the past or don't have a tendency toward those particular vices.
It's nice to see what I already do or know that the advisor points out.  I also get some validation on things I've advocated but not done, and encouragement to keep following my own money choices even if something else MIGHT be more profitable.  I'm doing fine, I don't have to be rich.  I pay my own freight and am prepared for the occasional mid level crisis cost.  It also shows me the stress I no longer have since the debt is gone.  Zero.  Zilch. Nada.  Nil. Bupkis.

So, things I do that got validated:

1) Write down what I spend on a daily basis.  I do that MOST days.  Once in a while I miss a day or forget to bring a receipt home to record.  I try to write down 10-15% more than I guesstimate the costs to be.  Most people underestimate spending (and calorie intake) so I bump it up just in case.

2) Have a planned monthly budget.  It fluctuates and since expenses are fluctuating with construction and life...I write up a target for each category each month.  I "WRITE" with pencil on graph paper.  That works for me.  I don't want to turn on an electronic device to track my money.  It isn't "in the cloud" and when the computer or whatever device craps out, I still have all my information.

3) Each month I try to shave down an area that is creeping up in costs. Last month I spent too much on food in all categories:  Groceries (which is just food, not TP or soap or etc), dinner out, work lunches out, and coffee out.  I suspect I will be able to cut groceries but with visitors and lots of work trips, will probably not be able to cut the dining out.  So, I cut the grocery $$ and made a list of what I have on hand and a few things I could make with what I have.  I left the dining out lines high this month because being realistic makes for better success than being in fantasy land.

4) I plan for income interruptions or decreases.  It's happened in the past and could happen again.  Best to live on less than I bring in and get used to it.

5) I do NOT borrow to invest.  CRIPES!  I can't believe people do that but apparently it is common.  Actually, right now I don't borrow for anything.

6) I live mostly on cash.  She makes people live entirely on cash and I have done that.  Right now I use the credit card for gas, travel, storage unit bill, and a few other things that I may choose to buy online.  Otherwise, cash (or check) and immediately put it on the budget sheet.  I pay the credit card off weekly and I never buy material rewards, I just wait until I can get a credit put on the card.  Thus, I do not pay interest (ANY interest at this moment) and instead I take that 1% credit card points deal and put it back on the card.  That's 1% off my gas and storage bills.   I don't put those cash back things in the budget sheet.  I also don't put savings interest on the income on the budget sheet.  The total of those two is under 400$/year most years.  If times get tight, I will put those things on the sheet and track even more closely.

7) I track my income on the budget sheet.  When I get paid at work, get a tax refund, or a windfall, it goes on the sheet.  I leave off the stuff noted in #6 for now.   At the end of the month I total up the income and the outgo on the same sheet of paper and see the difference.

These last three the advisor hasn't recommended in the episodes I've seen, but I them and they work for me:

8) I not only track the monthly totals, I do a daily running total and a daily average.


9) Each month I have a target for the number of "no spend" days.  Those are days with zero money going out.  It makes me remember to gas up on days I'm already doing errands...and it makes me skip the occasional trip to town if it means a fuel up on a day that is otherwise "no spend."  I can usually get 10 no spends.  With more focus, I can get it up to 15.

10)  I get a real paycheck and deposit it. I just had someone tsk at me for doing that and I lashed out a tad.  She said something about my living in 1989 for not having direct deposit.  I said something about being the only one in the general vicinity with no debt and no current financial woes, hence I will just keep doing what works for me.

If Only "TED" Were Indeed X

As in an ex-thing.  A thing which is no more.  Deceased.  Dead.  A thing of the past.

I LOATHE the TEDtalk style.  The lesser TEDtalk, the TED-X offshootery that happens in every venue that can host a bunch of pompous pseudo-intellectuals in a single room with theater seats and a stage, is even worse.

It isn't always the info.  Once in a while the information is fine.  But mostly it's crap.
Still, it's the signature TED style.  The late 1980s Janet Jackson/ Madonna face mounted microphone.  The faux set dressing:  fake living room, fake vintage PBS interview show complete with 2 chairs, coffee table and a fern, fake college lecture with a podium.  The giant ass screen for the sad power point presentation is truly the worst.

I've seen people speak in real life, like Joel Salatin, who are interesting and fun and very informative.  Then I've seen them on a TED, or worse TEDX, and they conform to the style and are crap.

When did bad meeting presentations become public infotainment?
There is no doubt a real answer but I don't care.  I want it to stop.

Here, in the order they occur to me, are things I find annoying:

1) Cramming exactly 1 soundbite of information into 6-11 minutes.  Apparently there is a rule that only one single tiny bit of info can be shared.  This has several bad consequences

2)  Fluffing the info with personal, or more likely fake personal, stories illustrating that one tiny point.  How your mother had too much TP around the house so now you buy it one square at a time.  How you had a dog which proved dogs are awesome.  Jesus.

3)  The shitty power point.  Also used to fill visual and temporal space.  The speaker stops for each slide so you can read it or look at it.  Or, worse, laugh at their lame lame lame visual joke.

4) S l o w  t a l k i n g.  To fill the time with a tiny tiny tiny individual bit of info, the speaker speaks so damn slowly I'm afraid my heart will stop.  Jesus.  Speak at your normal pace.

5) BROAD range of tone to show emotion and connect (say each word with special emphasis in your head while YOU rrreeeaaaddd this!).  Cripes.  I remember seeing a professional storyteller when I was about 4 years old, before I started school, at the local library.  I'm in my 50s now and I'm still pissed about wasting my time with that woman emphasizing and physically miming every thing she said.  You'll see the same style in TED/X talks.

6) The physical miming of anything remotely mime-able in the talk.  Using hands to show those piles of TP your mom had, and then crunching your whole body down like a clown college drop out to show the hilariously small amount of TP you now keep at the house.

7) Waiting for the laugh which often never comes.  The speakers are clearly over rehearsed and think they know when the laugh will come.  I still watch the occasional TED talk if someone recommends it and secretly, or openly, enjoy the moment where the talker realizes that they are not funny or their power point slid is not funny.

8) Walking around the stage/faux-set for no reason.  It's like they have the list of crap my 8th grade speech teacher handed out...or their pageant coach told them.   ...13--connect with each audience member individually by looking them in the eye.   Yeah, don't.  Mick Jagger and James Brown needed to use the whole stage, you don't.  Al Gore was a popularizer of this with his lift showing how the environment is dying.  Cute once...not very cute but I appreciated his effort...not cute now.  You are telling me how you buy a square of toilet paper and are therefore better than your mother and better than anyone who stupidly buys it by the roll.  You don't need to walk to the far corner of the stage and lean over and look down on me.  The metaphorical down looking is plenty.

9) Hubris.  I don't care that you buy a single square of toilet paper and I don't believe it makes you better than rollers, as those of us who buy it by the roll are called.  You still need to wipe your butt like the rest of us and we now suspect that we don't want to shake your hand.

10) Inventing labels.  TED talkers like to invent or promote labels.  They don't lead with them.  They lead with a question.  They sneak the label into the middle or end of the talk so that we, the stupider people in the listening audience, can come to the two most important conclusions:  1) the speaker is right; 2) the speaker is super smart and better than everyone else.

11) Leading with a question.  Why?  Do you think it makes you smart to set up a straw man and then very slowly knock it down one lame joke/slide/mime/walk/lean/label at a time with your own answer to the fake question that was on NO ONE's mind?  Because I think that.  Hence, I am smart and right and you are stupid.

12) Dressing the part.  Poor Joel Salatin had to wear a sports coat.  He's a farmer and part of his brand/schtick is to dress like one.  He has excellent voice projecting and is a naturally appealing and LOUD speaker.  On his TED talk he looked uncomfortable and stilted.  The minimalist I watched and am using as a model for the TP talker work a dress a bit too short and in one color with little black flats.  A "minimalist" formal look I suppose.  I was distracted by the obviously maximal hair product consumption.  I don't know if she and Joel were peer pressured into this or if there is a code to get on the stage and they don't let you out if you show up with actual farmer clothes or minimal hair products.  I wonder what would happen if someone refused the face-mic.

I want to get on a TED or even TEDX talk so I can go on stage and then NOT do the "style" and see what happens?

Would the audience risk wrinkling their khakis and sensible shoes to run up on the stage beat me?  Would they throw their brand name decaf lattes at me?
Would they get confused about what was going on and quietly slip out to see if the real talk with just a single digestible and currently fashionable bit of info was being given in the next auditorium over?


What if I gave 2 points of info or told an actually funny story?  Would chaos ensue?  The zombie apocalypse?  What if I kept talking while they actually laughed rather than courtesy laughed?
What if I didn't even TRY to act out what I was saying and what if I didn't wait for them to read the 3 (it's always 3) bullet points on the power point slide?  Oh MY GOD!  What if I didn't use power point?????  No.  I take it back.  Heresy.  I would be burned as a witch.

But at least I wouldn't have anyone email me another f'ing TED talk.


That said, I have looked up TED talkers and gotten their real information elsewhere.  I suspect it is a way to promote their real work.  I hope there is SOME legitimate reason for it.

In conclusion a HaiTED (Like a haiku, but TEDcentric)

All TED talks are bad.
Not all TED talkers are bad
TED makes you look bad

Super Food: The Food Formerly Known as Food

What is with labeling regular food as "super food"?  It's FOOD. Just FOOD.
What isn't food?  Doritos, anything at Dairy Queen, etc. 

Greens:  Just food, not a super food.  Not even kale.  It's just kale.  Just eat it.
Vegetables, fruit, grains, meat fish.  100 years ago, even 50, these were called "food" and you got them from the garden, market, or super market.  You can still do that.

It was best said on The Onion




It isn't designer.  It doesn't have to be fancy.  Just eat it. 
Even Weird Al knows. 



My dinner yesterday was EITHER crazy poor people red neck yokel food....OR crazy hipster wild crafted extreme local food.  Whatever, it was good and I had it so I ate it.

Any guesses on ingredients?

Anyone?

Beuller?

No? 

Coconut oil (not local)

6 guinea hen eggs 

lovage from the garden (stem and leaves because I have a ton of it)

sour sorrel  (AKA sheep sorel...aka, weeds from the garden and land)

nettle leaves (or maybe monkshood...pretty sure those were nettles)

dandelion leaves

horseradish leaves

Why did I eat that?   Because I had the eggs from a friend who traded them for a plastic pallet I found behind a thrift store...she also gave me ship shit.

I wanted something in the eggs.  Greens.  I had purple kale too but that's going to seed and I want to keep the seeds (the kale produced all winter with very little protection) so I didn't care to bother it.

So, I picked what I had and what was around.

Pretty sure the whole thing was made of "super foods" which are of course, just food.

Combined with the compost toilet...I may have achieved a new level of localization of my meal.

When Did America Decide Kids Are Stupid?

I've got TV this week.  Not much.  A few broadcast channels.  Hence this is not a full survey of children's programming.  It's impressions from PBS programming.

When did kids get stupid?  The shows on offer are insulting to the intelligence of a toddler.  Squeaky baby animal characters are the most common lead figures.  Followed by squeaky baby humanoids.  Ew. 

In my day....(spoken like an oldster)...we had cartoons with irony and snark. I like irony and snark (my character would be "Captain Obvious).  I liked irony and snark as a child.  Bugs Bunny, who is now a baby for some creepy anti-aging reason, was sarcastic and a bit mean sometimes.  Elmer Fudd may have a stutter, but he doesn't talk like a squeaky toy.  No wonder children end up surfing the internet and finding porn.  It's less insulting, though possibly more damaging. 

Of course, I was the kid who loathed Mr. Rogers.  I don't like being talked down to and that cat puppet gave me the willies.  Still, he's starting to look better to me.  There were real topics and sometimes he talked about issues that were in the news.

We were also apparently smart enough back in the day to understand that even though the road runner could fall off a cliff and be smashed flat, then stretch-pop back into a normal shape, such a feat was not possible for human children.  I do not remember, nor can I find evidence of, any rash of children jumping from heights because they were inspired to emulate the road runner.  We also rarely built bombs despite Wile E. Coyote's constant attempts.   They never seemed to work for him anyway.

The cartoons I've seen this week have been pandering to the stupidest children and their genetic source material, the parents.  I don't like it. 

The laundromat I go to generally has a dvd of a classic cartoon from the 1960s and 1970s running so I have seen the adult Bugs Bunny recently for comparison.  I AM disturbed by the weird racism in the old cartoons.  Perhaps there can be new exciting versions that are not completely infantile and not racist. 

I also wonder what happens when kids turn about 7 or 8 years old and they can't hack the squeaky baby pablum cartoons and switch to hyperviolent superhero cartoon and live action stuff. 
Probably they will grow up just fine like humans always have, but they will have wasted all that time on crap TV.

Random Thoughts on Pants

Even Carhartt is making their pants stretchy.  Dang.  I'm down to 4 pairs of pants that more or less fit and have zero stretchiness to them.
Turns out, lack of stretch is more important to me than fit or cost.

One pair of my current jeans is a men's Levi's without stretch, but they are boot cut and tight on my lady thighs. But they are 100% cotton and the pockets are full size.

Tiny pockets are the other loser in women's jeans.

Another pair is flannel lined. They are lady jeans, straight leg, decent size pockets and no stretch.  With the flannel, they are only good for winter but I was thinking I could get another pair and cut the flannel out.  Alas, they are discontinued.  The new model is stretchy.  WTF?  Two layers of stretchy, because the flannel is also stretchy, would be like wearing tights over pantyhose. 

My third pair is ancient Carharrt lady jeans in 100% cotton.  The pockets are a bit small.  Apparently because girl car keys are smaller than man car keys.  Whatever.  They are long enough, and shapeless, but they don't have stretch so I wear them.  Somehow I tore the shin wide open, only on the pants, not my actual shin, and these are not double fronts.  So, I patched it with scraps of previous non-stretchy jeans.  The seams are frayed and there are parts of those jeans that are so thin you could read newsprint through them.  So, not long for this world.

The final pair is a set of lady, short waisted, medium leg length, 100% cotton double front Carhartts.  The holy grail of pants for me.  If they were inches longer, they would be perfect.
But, they aren't. 
I tried ordering a brand new pair of these, paying retail (well, sale retail but it's so rare I don't buy thrift and instead get on the internet and order pants that it's newsworthy, or blogworthy).  35$ including shipping.  That's a lot for a garment in my book. 

I read the reviews that these run BIG.  I was about an 8 by the size chart so I ordered a 4.  Well, gentle reader, you and I could have both put those on..  They were a 34 inseam so that was good, but I could take them off without unzipping.  And the leg opening.  I like a straight leg on my trousers.  These were oddly HUGE at the bottom.  Like so huge they would catch on crap.
Still, they were nice hard cotton double fronts and I had to pay to send them back so I get back on line to see if there is a size 2 long left.  Nope.  In fact, they never made the 2 in a long.  Crap.  I don't want to pay retail for inadvertent capris.

I have worn men's carhartts.  They are tough and last well and are available long enough, but rarely in a small enough waist size.  Not many men apparently wear a 30x34.  When they do, the rise is about 2 feet long so they button right to my bra.  I could cut armholes just below the waist band.

There is a company in Montana now that will make real hard cotton pants.  Red Ants Pants.
The pants are 139$, but they are 100% cotton, double front, double butt, gusseted crotch, come in a straight cut, full size pockets, have a longer inseam option, and are made in the USA.  So, we'll see.  Perhaps I will use christmas money for a pair.

Wranglers do make a few styles in 100% cotton.  So far all the options I've tried, including the men's option, were way too big in the butt and waist by the time I got my thighs in them.  I suppose I could use a hula hoop instead of a belt and carry my groceries around in the resulting waist basket.  They fit like clown pants with tight legs.  I tried a pair I got from a thrift store with new tags on them.  Alas, I took them back after 1 wearing.  The bubble butt and tight thighs caused a problem different from the stretchy pants.  Stretchy pants ride down all day, requiring lots of yanking up and the pantyhose squat move (where you have to grab the waist, yank up with all your might while doing a wide stance squat, then stand back up, still yanking.  This gets the crotch back up in the vicinity of your actual crotch).  With the thin thigh big butt wranglers, the pants rode UP all day.  I spent my day doing the wedgy hop (where you grab the butt crack seam and yank down while hopping up a bit, then grab the thigh fabric and shimmy it down a bit).   These activities BOTH piss me off. So, sorry wranglers, unless you acknowledge that some women have thighs without the bubble butt, we're over.

Once again, I may end up getting tailored pants.   I tried that through Lands End once.  It took a half dozen returns and turn arounds and eventually I got workable pants that were long enough and straight enough.  I got compliments.  Alas, they would not go short enough in the rise. They weren't truly tailored, it was a computer program that made a one-off pattern. I fell outside the allowable limits.  So, while the pants looked good, they were gouging by ribs every time I wore them. 

If anyone knows a good tailor who will make my new blue jeans...let me know.

Dear Duffer, Open Your Eyes

This is a response to a letter to the editor and common comments I hear at professional meetings (I'm an anthropologist, not a field the world is dependent on and still this silly myopic lament is common).
And to an asinine country western song.

The title of the letter to the editor in the local paper is this:

Who's going to fill their shoes?

Well, if you have to ask, I'm going with "not you."

The letter writer was, and probably still is, wondering who will fill the shoes of the county commissioners and other local "leaders."   Leaders who are pointedly unkind to large portions of the community.  They were the movers and shakers of their day.  Like many movers and shakers, as they age, they tend to cling to past glory rather than mentor up or help someone get ready to take the reins and, god forbid, take things in a new direction.  Never mind that the current "shoes-fillers" made big changes back when they were starting out.  Kicking out the aging curmudgeons who had the community stuck in the past.  Guess what, after 50 years, you, dear current shoe-filler, are now the curmudgeon stuck in the past.  You are the one packing the local boards with your cronies and making  sure the school educates kids for professions that are on the way out, the ones that were good jobs in your day, rather than professions that are on the way up.

So, letter writer, when you say "who is going to fill their shoes," try looking around.  Not everyone in your generation was a leader.  Not everyone in the younger generations is a leader. But some are.  How about the National Merit Scholar who just won a full ride at an ivy league school?  What are you doing to attract her back to your community...oh right, she's a girl, not a leader in your eyes.  Also, a book worm, which you don't respect.

What about your former chief of police who is also a chainsaw champion (yes, we have chainsaw contests here)?  Oh right, she's a middle aged woman.  Not a leader in your eyes.  If I remember right, and I do because I looked it up, you were among those who ousted her for playing nice with the local minority population. She is a leader.  And she's still a leader and she's still living in your community.

What about the dude who is running for county commissioner despite the fact that one pair of the shoes you are looking to fill has been commissioner for nearly 2 score years and bad things happened to those who've run against him in the past?  How about encouraging him to support someone younger coming in to the position and being willing to share the history of the county politics and struggles and advise new commissioners on handling local politics and business interests?

Rather than just lamenting "who's going to fill their shoes" you could be helping folks learn the ropes and fill the shoes.  Look around.  And quit looking at funerals. The dead have better things to do.  And they're dead.  Look at the young and middle aged people who are doing new and different things that are helping the community and be open to the idea that MAYBE they are going to change things just like the current shoe-fillers did back in their day.  Get over it.  Get over yourself.  Get over the past.  

I Did NOT Change My Mind

This is a rant.  Because I am SICK OF IT.

To the many doctors who would not tie my tubes in my 20s because "You will change your mind" or "your husband will want kids" and to all those others who told me that I would change my mind, or die alone and sad (as if people WITH kids don't die alone and sad), or that I am selfish (that's rich!) for not having or wanting kids:  BITE ME.

I did NOT change my mind.  I didn't spawn and I'm glad.  I love it.  It's my favorite thing.

Those doctors sentenced me to 23 years of birth control pills and condoms.  I always use a minimum of 2 birth control methods.  No mistakes.  No accidents.  I spent thousands of dollars and untold hours to avoid pregnancy and unwanted children.  As if the world needed more unwanted children.  The world does not need any more children. 

What made those doctors think that I would marry a guy who wanted kids? And that it would be MY JOB to have them just because some asshole wanted some?  There are plenty of breeders out there for those guys.

What made those doctors assume I would get married?  To a guy?  I didn't.  And I'm fine.  Quite happy.

As for dying alone and sad; well, I suppose I COULD die happy in a a group but that's pretty rare.  Most people are the only one in the room croaking at any given time and very few are happy about it.
I know many people who did have kids.  Most of those kids don't want their mother or father dying in the living room in a hospital bed full of feces and urine.  Most of those kids moved on and are trying to lead their own lives (selfish little bastards...if one follows the above logic anyway).

How selfish is it to have children in order to avoid your own fear of death?  More selfish than me NOT having children and just dealing with the idea that some day, I'm going to die and that at some point before that, I will probably crap my pants and have no one at the ready happy to wash me down?  According to my accusers, I should have had a kid and made it super dependent so it would stand me up in the shower and hose me off  (Mom:  I will totally hose you off if you need it because I know that is NOT the reason you had me.  You were young and stupid, that's why you had me).

One woman in particular who accused me of being selfish and of changing my mind later (mind you, I was WELL into my 40s at the time so that ship had seriously sailed) had gone to great lengths and tens of thousands of dollars in infertility treatments and adoption procedures in order to make her family.  Good for her.  She invested in getting what she wanted:  children.  She did not see that as selfish but me NOT bringing unwanted children into the world, she does see that as selfish.  To her I say:  BITE ME. 

To the fish and other beings poisoned by the decades I spent peeing out excessive estrogen from the birth control pills:  I am sorry.  I did consider this when going on the pill.  The other option was destroying you through bringing kids, who may have produced ever more generations of children to decimate the limited resources of our planet and kill you that way.  If I'd been given the tubal ligation when I asked for it in my 20s, I would have saved enough to retire on and saved the planet. 

Instead I was patronized and told that I would change my mind and it wasn't reversible and on and on and on.  Even at Planned Parenthood where they were happy to prescribe the pills or an IUD or jam tubes of estrogen in my arm.  Anything but tying the tubs.  To them I say: BITE ME.  BITE ME. BITE ME.   

BITE ME.

I declare today, the day before mother's day to be
"Happy People Who Did Not Overpopulate the Planet Day"

A series of cheesy/sappy cards will be coming out soon.
Appropriate gifts include anything but a giant vase of dead flowers.