I'm NOT a liar. My actual pants were on fire. Apparently really on fire for reals.
I like to heat up my jammies and my morning outfits on the woodstove. Usually the stove isn't that warm, much less HOT like FIRE. Anyway. My jammies are/were a hooded sweatshirt, sweat pants, and knee high wool sox. For some reason I didn't warm up the sweatshirt. I must have already had that on. For some other reason, I put the sox on then got distracted before I put on the pants. Also non-standard for me is/was owning partly polyester sweat pants. I normally try to go with all natural fibers. But I had grabbed these at a thrift store and compromised my principles. To my detriment as it turns out.
So, the stove was much much hotter than normal. The pants sat on there for more than a minute. The sox actually also got scorched but I hadn't noticed that yet. The pants were charred. I tried folding the charred bit to the inside to smother the issue but they were pretty hot and stinky and when I looked...quite a bit was scorched. So, being tired, I threw them out the door into the rain. Then I found some long underwear and went to bed.
When I got up I left the house and was looking for the pants. No where to be found. There was a scorched spot on the ground (which is covered by an old coir rug...so really a scorched spot on the rug). It was windy, but not THAT windy. Eventually I notice some charred bits off to the side caught in a wet shrubbery. Uh...those were the remains. The pants BURNED UP ENTIRELY...or almost entirely.
My pants were on fire. I doubt there were flames. I think I would have noticed flames and I doubt they flared up in the rain after I threw them out the door into the rain onto the soggy rug/ground.
I could have called this entry "liar liar totally scorched pants" but that didn't have the same ring somehow.