Friday, November 5, 2010

Are Jeggings the Mark of the Beast?

Disclaimer: I know that as a product of the 1980s when jeans were worn so tight as to account for the dramatic rise in cesarean sections (pretty sure we deformed our pelvii) I'm on thin ice and in "pot-kettle-black" realms in criticizing the attire of the young.

Still though, pretty sure jeggings are the mark of the beast. In my on going quest for non-spandex pants I'm confronted by the spector of 19% spandex! Jesus. My swimsuit (an industrial age appropriate Lands End model that never gets worn because I prefer the Idaho Bikini (cut offs and a t-shirt)) doesn't have that much! Jeggings. The Rosemary's Baby of jeans and leggings that are all the rage now. I can only assume this means they are going out of style elsewhere in the country and being shipped to north Idaho as part of the move toward the final fashion graveyard...Ross Dress For Less (where I got my last pair of first-hand jeans).

I've even tried to pay retail for non-stretchy pants now. If nothing turns up, and I don't suddenly drop a stone (that's british talk for 14 pounds) and fit back into my skinny clothes, I'm going to have to try custom made jeans. There's a website where you put in your measurements, they go over the interwebs to India, and jeans appear in your mailbox some weeks later. It's 50$. I could normally get 20 pairs of jeans for that. But, if I hate them all and won't wear them, then it's not frugal to buy 20 pairs of jeans or jeggings. And really, on what planet would anyone want to see me in jeggings?

I was just manning a booth at a career fair at a high school. The jeggins were rampant. Even the boys were wearing jeans with stretch. While I'm all for clothing equality, I wish they'd gone for tube tops. Less obscene. They were wearing girl jeans with stretch and given that they did not have girl figures, it looked like each and everyone of them had dropped a load in their britches. I asked my teen-expert (an actual teen boy) what the deal was and whether they knew it looked like they'd poo'ed their drawers (after all, in the 1980s, we knew of the camel toe but we saw it as a necessary evil). He said that it might be ironic. Sort of a metaphoric dump on the establishment.

Does each pair of jeggings come with a free tube of gynelotromin because seriously, you're going to get an infection. Things need to breathe and that has got to chafe.

OK. I will try to make this my final pants rant. Either that or add it as a label for posts.

On the upside, I still have 2 pairs of pants that I can wear to work so it's not a total emergency yet. Maybe the thrift stores in Iowa will have a better selection of non-stretchy pants.

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