Liar Liar Pants On Fire!

I'm NOT a liar.  My actual pants were on fire.  Apparently really on fire for reals.
I like to heat up my jammies and my morning outfits on the woodstove.  Usually the stove isn't that warm, much less HOT like FIRE.  Anyway.  My jammies are/were a hooded sweatshirt, sweat pants, and knee high wool sox. For some reason I didn't warm up the sweatshirt.  I must have already had that on.  For some other reason, I put the sox on then got distracted before I put on the pants.  Also non-standard for me is/was owning partly polyester sweat pants.  I normally try to go with all natural fibers. But I had grabbed these at a thrift store and compromised my principles.  To my detriment as it turns out.

So, the stove was much much hotter than normal.  The pants sat on there for more than a minute.  The sox actually also got scorched but I hadn't noticed that yet.  The pants were charred.  I tried folding the charred bit to the inside to smother the issue but they were pretty hot and stinky and when I looked...quite a bit was scorched.  So, being tired, I threw them out the door into the rain.  Then I found some long underwear and went to bed.

When I got up I left the house and was looking for the pants.  No where to be found.  There was a scorched spot on the ground (which is covered by an old coir rug...so really a scorched spot on the rug). It was windy, but not THAT windy.  Eventually I notice some charred bits off to the side caught in a wet shrubbery.  Uh...those were the remains.  The pants BURNED UP ENTIRELY...or almost entirely.
My pants were on fire.  I doubt there were flames.  I think I would have noticed flames and I doubt they flared up in the rain after I threw them out the door into the rain onto the soggy rug/ground.

I could have called this entry "liar liar totally scorched pants" but that didn't have the same ring somehow.