Friday, May 12, 2017

White Trash Craftery™ Part Deux: Hummingbird Feeder

"Deux" is Paris talk for "2"


So, I was spending a day INSIDE (inside the wee shome) because I was sick of humanity.  More so than usual even.

I decided to watch movies, listen to the radio, talk on the phone with carefully selected others, and do crafts.

Crafts.  Tiny shed home.  I used what I had.

Supplies:
A left over jar with a sturdy screw on lid













Turns out I LOATHE caviar.  It tastes like salty fish slime.  But it was on sale and I wanted to try something new...and it was in a cool tiny jar that would be handy for something.

A used bottle with a sturdy screw on lid.  It looks like I used a wine bottle but it was actually filled with stevia sweetened sparkling apple juice.  Also, on sale.  It cost less than the jar of nasty salty fish slime.  I will be keeping an eye out at the recycling center for cool bottles and jars.

A coat hanger (wire).
Duct tape (optional)
A bit of glue or silicon sealant (probably optional)


Tools needed:
Leatherman
Scissors (optional, you could just use the knife on the leatherman or your teeth).

Step 1: Wash the jar and the bottle very well, but don't bother picking the label off the bottle unless you want to.

Step 2: Use the screw top of the bottle to make a circle more or less in the center of the jar lid.
Use the olde tyme bottle can opener thingy on the leatherman to cut a cross from the center of that circle to not quite the edge of the circle.  You want the bottle top to hold the jar lid onto the bottle.
Use the needle nose pliers thingy on the leatherman to tear off these little tabs you just made, still trying to stay inside the circle you drew.  The pliers can be used to fold back, toward the inside of the jar, and pinch the sharp bits from tearing the metal.

Step 3: use the tiny screw driver or punch thingy on the leatherman to make little holes about 1/8inch in diameter around the lid.  I made 4 holes.  A couple were a tad big but that can be corrected later with the duct tape.  Punch the holes from the outside toward the inside so you aren't creating little hummingbird beak stabbers.

Step 4: use the rasp thingy on the leatherman to mash down and smooth out any sharp bits on the jar lid.  When you can run your finger over it and not get cut, it's probably good enough.

Step 5: Use whatever portion of the leatherman works to make a biggish hole in the top of the bottle lid.  Smooth off any sharp bits as above.

Now it gets complicated:

Step 6:  Push the jar lid over the top of the bottle threads.  You want the top of the jar lid "up" when the bottle is upside down.  Once you get it part way on the threads, start screwing on the bottle lid to push the jar lid along firmly.

Step 7: you can put a little ring of glue or silicone around the seam between the jar lid and the bottle lid if you want.

Step 8:  Screw on the bottom of the jar and admire your work.

Step 9:  Use various parts of the leatherman to twist a wire coat hangar around the bottle so you can hang your contraption up, jar at the bottom, rear end of the bottle facing the sky. (Duh)

Step 10: Optional decorative crafty bit!  Find some random British flag duct tape you forgot you had (how do I lose things in that tiny space?), use scissors, the knife thingy on the leatherman, or your teeth, to get rid bits out of the tape and apply these to the jar lid, keeping the  holes open.  I strategically placed some of the tape to smallify the holes that were a bit large.

And Voila:

















Mix up some hummingbird food and you are in business!
Unscrew the jar from its lid, use a funnel to fill the bottle.  If you take the bottle lid on and off you will loosen up the jar-lid-bottle-lid joint that is crucial to the White Trash Craftery™ Hummingbird Feeder longevity.
















There was a rufous hummingbird at the feeder within an hour or so of hanging it up.  Perhaps sooner since I was elsewhere on the estate for a bit.




Friday, May 5, 2017

Take that MotherFlicker!...White Trash Craftery™

No, a FLICKER.  The bird.  The bird that is destroying me wee shed.

It, or they, has/ve been pecking holes in the cabin for a while.  I covered the first batch of holes with the bits of metal I had on hand...muffin tins from the thrift store.  That looks sort of cute actually:














THEN the stupid motherflicker (I'm assuming it's a parent trying to bring home the bacon/beetles to wee ones), moved to another side of the cabin and spread out the damage.

I was out of muffin tins.  Didn't want to move to loaf pans.  Or baking sheets.

I thought perhaps SHARP would be a benefit.

I had a couple of #10 cans from the recycling center that I'd had plans for.  Plans that were never executed.  So I though perhaps I could use the tin snips to cut strips from those and hang them (White Trash Craftery Rule #1: use what you have).  As I am cutting up the first can, I figured out that hanging 10 strips from the eaves would be complicated and I would never get around to it  (White Trash Craftery Rule #2: plan for your inherent laziness).  The remaining can got flattened out.  The seams on the sides cut off.  Then I cut it as though making a garland out of a sheet of paper. I couldn't find a diagram of this on the internet so I made one for you special.  Just like the actual product, the cut lines (shown in green) are unevenly spaced and crooked.  I'm not bothering with neat work for a stupid motherflicker.












Once you make the cuts, you just pull the ends apart...voila, instant sharp jaggedy metal garland for free!

It was definitely sharp.  I wouldn't stand on it to bang my face into a wall, but I'm not a flicker.  
To put it up, I started a nail through each end, stood on a slippery metal cooler on the weakening boards of my shabby stoop, and tried not to let anything hit my eyes (the safety glasses were clear down in the car...like a quarter mile away (White Trash Craftery Rule #3: Safety is secondary)).

Here it is:















It's blocking the view of the worst holes but you can see a smaller one above the Flicker-B-Gone™ garland and how it has been stripping a few of the battens on my board-n-batten siding.  As it happened, the #10 can had a coppery inside and a silvery outside so this turned out to be more interesting looking than I'd planned.

Of course when the wind blew I was awoken in the night by a mysterious metal rattling sound.
I think that means the Flicker-B-Gone can also be labeled as Wind Chimes.

I'm thinking that putting a few of these along the top of the fence between me and the rest stop might deter ne'er-do-well types.  That makes it both a "Flicker-B-Gone™ " and a "F...er-B-Gone™ ."  With a side of Wind Chimes.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Happy Earth Day!!!!

For reals.  Happy EarthDay!
I'm celebrating with a couple dozen new plants to plant from realfoodgardens.blogspot.com!!
Thank you to them for the lovely plants.  The owners threw in an extra berry start AND a jug of soapwort laundry soap (well, everything-soap).  That more than covered the price of admission (meaning gas to get up there an back).

Here's the plant list I went to pick up:
10 hops 
2 black aronia 
1 wallis cherry 
4 Black jewel raspberry 
4 Oak leaf blackberry   
2 Chokecherry  

The berries are nice and thorny and HUGE.  I added a soapwort plant while I was there and while I think it might be tacky to point out the actual price for the lot, it is also about the only way to show how thrifty it is: 80$ and I came home with 25 plant starts.  The 23 listed above plus an extra berry and a soapwort.  Most of the berry/tree starts had to be bent over to get them in the subaru.  These are not tiny plants.  They are nice big plants in pots.

Excellent way to honor Earth Day.  Use a bit of fossil fuel for a permanent food (human, animal, bee, worms, etc) source.


Tuesday, April 18, 2017

The Queen Is Dead...Long Live the Queen

The queen bee.  And all the other bees.
Just the Italians.

I have 2 bee hives.  Carniolan and Italian breeds.  Well, had. 
Both were doing well a month ago.
2 weeks ago the Carniolans were doing well and the Italians were dead.   Dang.

The grant that got me the bees in the first place got replacement bees for those of us who lost bees over the winter and into spring.  These are from a local beekeeper who has many many hives.

I'm not sure of the breed yet, but they are definitely AGGRESSIVE!!
3 stings!  ON MY STOMACH!  Geez Louise.  Itchy like crazy but not overly painful.  I respect that sort of aggression.


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Some of the Worst Frugal Advice I've Been Given

We all know that there are many ways to save $$ or cut costs or make more money.

Frugality in my view, as part of working toward simplicity, has to do with deciding what I value, what I want out of life, and what makes me "happy."  It's also about having the money to put it where my mouth is when need be.

So, given those things, I like to keep my money life simple.  No complicated financial deals.  No high risk investments that I have to keep track of.  I don't have a natural understanding of those things and taking the time to get that understanding would cut into time doing things I enjoy...depressing foreign films and staring at bees or the creek or sledding.

All that as a disclaimer.  Perhaps for YOU (dear imaginary reader), the following would be good advice.  For me, it was the worst.

1)  Don't pay off a mortgage! 
This is based on the assumption that I would take the money I could have spent paying down the mortgage (which was at 6.75%) and invest it and earn MORE than 6.75%.  I didn't have those skills or knowledge of financial investments.  Those skills don't interest me. 

There was also the argument that I would lose the tax deduction.  About 1/3 of the mortgage interest payment did come back to me as a tax deduction, but that's chump change at my home buying level.  2/3 of the interest payment went right into the pockets at whatever company owned my mortgage at the moment.

Let's add into all this the fact that gainful employment is not a given.  If you, I, miss a mortgage payment (or a HELOC...ugh), you, I, can lose the house.  At that point, you, I, would be out all the money paid in on interest and equity, lose the deduction, AND have to find a place to live.  A job loss can mean much more than a job loss if one has a mortgage or HELOC (which is just another name for mortgage)

And then there is peace of mind.  Without a mortgage, I now have much greater peace of mind.  If I lose my job, that is all I have lost.  No worrying about finding the mortgage payment, liquidating other assets to save the house, or the like.  I still have a home.  I can decide to sell that home but I can't lose it to the bank for nonpayment.

2)  You can pay for ______ with a HELOC and SAVE MONEY!!!
OR...I could NOT put my home at risk for whatever I'm paying for.  How about that?  See #1 for how I feel about mortgages and I can't see anyway that a HELOC is not a mortgage.  The house/home is at risk over a missed payment.  That is the key element of a mortgage to me and I'd rather buy a car with a car loan (miss a payment, lose the car), than a HELOC (miss a payment, live in the car).  Or better yet, save up and pay cash for the car.

3)  Just buy it! You'll feel better!
Uh...right.  If you are buying something to feel better, perhaps solve the emotional trauma THEN go shopping.  Also, personally, I don't really make choices based on feelings.  Feelings change.  Thus, they are not a basis for choices.  Then again...I do sometimes buy things just because they are awesome but it's a mistake, hence, bad advice.

4)  You don't need to read all the paperwork, just sign here!
This was said to me by the mortgage broker.  I informed her that I would indeed be reading the ENTIRE document before I signed it.  She said I could sign it, take it home and read it, and then call her if I had questions.  Right........NOT.  She acted like I was wasting her time.  Good thing I didn't care.

5) Buy the extended warranty.
Now, there may be a case where this is a good idea, but in my view, it is rarely a good idea.  Do your research ahead of time and hope for the best.  In researching actual repair rates I've often found that I could pay for a major repair for the annual cost of the extended warranty. No gain.  In reading the fine print, the extended warranty often has so many holes in it, that it wouldn't cover the most common repairs...unless I upgrade to the gold-plated extended warranty.  Nope. 

6)  Do things for the next owner of the house/car/whatever
Not for me.  I had a car hit by hail.  LOTS of hail.  Tons of hail.  Big a$$ hail.  Every single metal panel was dinged and dented.  The glass survived.  I was advised that rather than pay off the car loan, I should get the hail damage fixed so I'd have a better trade in value.  Um...the math.  I paid about $6000 for the car.  The hail damage was for $3400 and change. And, I drive cars until the wheels are about to fall off, or in a few cases did fall off.  That is more cost effective for my lifestyle.  I have no need for a pretty car.  I took that check to the bank and paid off the car.  I drove it for many more years.

When building or fixing up a house, I also believe in doing what is right for me, not what some imaginary future owner might want.  Screw them.  They may not exist and how do I know what they would want?  I am planning a new home right now and it will be what I want.  I did that with my current lodgings and you would not believe how much other people think it is "cool" and offer me cash for it.  Had I listened to those who talk about "resale" I would have had a bland standard boring plan, not the unique interesting fun one that I do have. Stick to your own style or the place will have no style.

Six is a good number so I will stop now.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Frugal Cheat Sheet

HA!  Tricked you.  Because a "frugal cheat sheet" would really just say "spend all your money on crap and then borrow money at a high interest rate, preferably as a HELOC so if you miss a payment you lose your home, repeat until you are dead."

This is more of a few frugal life hacks (frugal-life hacks? frugal life-hacks?  Cripes.  Forget it.)

These are things I do that I now find easy and tend to save me some cash and I actually enjoy them a bit. 

1) keep a list of stuff you want/need but don'/t have to have immediately.  When you see a thrift store, yard sale, merchandise-graveyard (I'm looking at you Tuesday Morning, Ross, and T.J. Maxx and the rest of your ilk), look in those places first.  And for a while.  E.g. I've been wanting to try thermos cooking again.  So I put "thermos to cook in" on the long term list.  It's been a few months but a good quality option for 2$ popped up the other day.  I don't make special trips to thrift for this stuff, just check if it's on the way to elsewhere.

2) eat what you have.  The "pantry challenge" system has saved me a bunch.  I like to stock up but once I'm there, time to stop shopping and just eat what I have.  Right now I'm well stocked.  There have been excellent sales at scratch-n-dent grocery stores and regular stores that I also hit, with a list, if I happen upon them.  Always start with the discounted food shelves in the back...I have gotten great stuff there.  You need to be a little flexible but it works.  I have a list item "flour" rather than "king arthur organic spelt flour."  If I see a flour that will work, preferably organic but not always a crucial criterion, I can get it.  Once stocked up with the thrifty groceries, then you eat them.  I can go about 2 weeks right now without going to the store for anything but greens and fresh fruit and of course I COULD live without those if I really didn't have time or money. 

3) stop at stores when you are going past anyway.  I don't make many special trips to buy things.  I have my master list with me on an ipod I got as a gift when a friend upgraded.  If I see a store, I check the list and the store.  Then I move on.  This saves me gas by not making the special trips, and money since the list is with me and I'm not there just to browse around, I'm there with a target or two, and I'm on the way to somewhere else.

4) feel free to cross things off the list.  If things are on the master list or the grocery list for a while and I don't get them, and don't miss them or find I already have something that works fine for this supposed "need" or "want," then the item gets dropped.  The list is not a commitment to buy.

5) develop a route on errand day.  OK, I totally just said I don't make special trips.  True-ish.  On the weekend I hit the laundromat as the main goal (clean undies are a NEED not a want).  While there, i can walk to my storage unit and trade out winter/summer clothes or whatever else needs to be swapped out or culled for donation.  That usually takes up the wash cycle.  In the winter I use the dryers since I don't have room to hang 2 loads inside.  During that dry cycle, I run my recycling, on foot, a couple blocks up to the recycling center and drop them ...while checking the free book bin and the free bucket bin but trying to take only items on a list or with immediate uses.  Back to the laundromat, fold and go.  Next is the furthest thrift store which is also by one of the cheap-o groceries.  Then if really need something, another thrift, and any other stores in that town but in a clear loop, not random starfish like driving patterns.

6) know your gas stations.  This applies more to me than to most.  I drive 30,000miles a year or more.  I know, I know...the environment and the potential blood clots.  But, we makes our choices and we lives with them.  About 10,000 miles a year are work miles and tax deductible, but that's still a lot of personal miles.  Anyway, that means I spend quite a bit on fuel.  So I know the gas stations in my region.  I also know how far apart they are and keep an eye on my gas tank levels.  I don't go below a quarter tank because that is just a stupid game.  I make a note of fuel prices on my way to a place, check at the place, and then fuel up at the cheapest option if I need gas that day.  It can save me up to 25cents a gallon.  I usually need 10 or 11 gallons.  $2.50 twice a week (or 3 times...) is 250$ a year or so in savings.  Some say it's not worth my time, but those people are stupid.  OK, not stupid.  Those people aren't me.


Saturday, March 25, 2017

Farewell My Culvert-bine

Ok, that title sucked but have you tried to rhyme or pun with "culvert"?  I could have gone with "pipe" as in "Ceci N'Est Pas Une Pipe" but that was even less accessible and would have required a Magritte type illustration.
 Image result for ce n'est pas une pipe


It's also not true because the pipe is still there. It just doesn't work that well anymore.  Water goes through.  It also goes BESIDE and possibly underneath.  That is like super not good.  For reals.  There is also a large chunk of dirt and rock that went...presumably...through the pipe.  Or beside.  Given the conservation of matter, it went somewhere.  That is not the real issue.  The real issue is that the dirt and rock is NOT where it was: The upstream end of the aforementioned culvert.  It eroded out all the way to a tire track in the two tracks that I refer to as "my road."  That's not good.  It's too wet to drive on for the moment, but even when it's dryer, I don't think I will be trusting this.  More dirt and rock could fall and the tire follow those, and the subaru will be stuck. 

It is time to squeeze the budget and buy some new pipe.  I don't even know where to get that shit.  oh well.